Seriously kids?

Dear Children

I mean, seriously, really?



We have TOYS, KIDS!!! Real life, fun TOYS!!! metal, plastic, wood, TOYS!!!!

Why you insist on playing with non-toy items I know not. It is driving me insane. I did not pack 6 boxes of toys for them not be played with!! I have better things to do! Like...like...stuff. Yes, very very important stuff. Yes.I.Do. And this isn't about me anyways, this is about you, and you, and you both need to play with all the freaking toys I packed!

ok?

Thank you.

Love, your loving Mother.

I need your help, o'smart decor ones

This is our new Huge Ass TV


And I don't know what to do with it. *We* don't know what to do with it.

Mount it? or buy a nice sofa table and screw that sucker into it.

Huge Ass TV is, well, huge. And huge = heavy. And heavy = me having nightmares of it smashing into a million useless expensive pieces on my floor. My brilliant idea to simply cut away some drywall and mount the wall mount directly to the wall studs was booed out the front door.

I mean, really, there are many many sticky fingers to touch it all over and do unmentionable things to it. It needs to be safe. Safe, and secure and away from the many small sticky fingers.

well OF COURSE I want it to be safe for them too, D'oh. Obviously man. I mean really.

But see, the problem is my husband, well, his handyman skills are...not proven. New. Unschooled and, well, unskilled. I'm scared. Add to that that my best friend (aka blonde bombshell #1)'s husband is similarily "talented" and you have two men who think they know what they are doing, who get mighty brave when you add beer into the mix.

I'm scared.

They scare me.

SO please, internetz, tell me what to do! Should I, could I, trust them to wall mount my Huge Ass TV?


P.S - Don't be looking at my mess now. I just moved! Cut a woman some slack, eh?

I like our house


april 19 035.CRW, originally uploaded by red_canuck.

If I smiled any bigger, you'd be able to count my teeth.








oh, and Mr. Man likes it too. He just can't keep his feet on the ground!

Guess who's one!!


april 19 399, originally uploaded by red_canuck.

This sweet baby girl sprung forth from my loins a short short year ago. *I* cannot believe it. My loins, well, they can believe it. But let's not talk about that now, m'kay?
Let's talk about my baby girl. My one year old. My crazy, stubborn, giggly, inquisitive, loving, beautiful daughter.

She likes to put food in her mouth. Likes it very much. I mean, why not, right? It's what all the people around her do, and sometimes *cough cough* a bit too much. Or too frequently, pick your poison. So she does it too. Monkey see, monkey do. We all live in a zoo.
While she's figured out the hand/mouth/food connection, what she can't seem to figure out is that *we* swallow. And oh lord please do not let me make a spit or swallow joke right now, it is trying to bubble up, but I am controlling it, i swear. ok, controlled. moving on. She likes to stuff her mouth as full as posible, and then when she's reached max. capacity, shove it all out with her mouth. D'oh. The messes she creates, i swear to god triple my laundry. My love affaire with my steam mop knows no bounds.

She has, to her great credit, figured out how to drink from a sippy cup. HIP HIP HOORAY!!! Celebrate with me people!! My boobs, they be free!!! I can come, I can go oh dear, ohhhh dear). That's not to say the boobs are not still in service, cause they are, just that they aren't the only gas station in town, ya know?
Or was that a bit of overshare? sorry.

She is so close to walking it's obscene. But she just won't. And really, why should she when she has her personal slave, aka momma, to carry her. to hold her and love her and kiss her sweet adorable baby head all the time.

What she does love right now are stairs. And what we have right now in this glorious new house are loads of stairs. Slippery Oak stairs, and ceramic tiles. Slippery stairs that a certain little lady falls off and bonks her gorgeous noggin on the hard ceramic tiles on. Her head is not nearly as monochromatic now as it was in this picture! Various shades of yellow, green and purple now contribute to her aura.

She loves animals. Especially when she is in her momma's arms.

She loves trains. Especially trains which her brother also loves, so that he squeals and thrashes around when she loves up ON them.

She loves her dadda. Especially when he tickles her special spot under her right arm with his stubble. The giggles people, OH THE GIGGLES! They would end wars. Create World Peace. These giggles.

She loves Michael Buble. Bedtime is not complete with his croning a melody for her sweet ears.

She loves the drums. Especially when she can snag the drum sticks to chew on.

She loves her toes. Her fingers. Chocolate, and her family. She's my daughter and I love her.



*blows the dust off*

hellllllllllllllllo world wide web! I"m back!! I'm...wait, anybody here? jeez, i go and move and you all abandon me, what's up with that?! I am so not feeling the love when I have 0 emails. ZERO people. That's a bad number. That's a...huh, is zero a number? It's really nothing, so can nothing have a number? I dunno. thoughts? Feelings? Attitudes? ANYTHING?

If there is anyone out there still reading, we're here, at the new house! Move went off as smoothly as a week long move with 2 young children really can. We are settling in...and still driving back and forth to pick up yet move shit. We have TOO MUCH STUFF. It's official.
oh, and to add to the fun, I spent our first night and day in our new house puking my guts out. FUN! And now today the kids are both pukey. FUN! I'm worried for my new carpets.

well, not sure what else to say. I have about 6,0987,0897 pictures to download off my camera (ok, maybe just 678, but that's gonna take foreva!) but am just too lazy right now to do it. But I will. soon. Because I don't have much room left on my memory card! ha ha, ho ho. yeah.

Tell me you missed me. Tell me dammit.

Best toy ever review.

The old. The classic. The cheap. The plentiful...

box.

Someone remind me why the kid has bins and bins of toys when a simple ol' box is his greatest love? SOMEONE?!

Where's the boy?!



Surprise!! he got you, didn't he? Sneaky bugger

Why being a kid rocks


april 10 011, originally uploaded by red_canuck.

You get to lick the spoon.

Or spatula.

Or whatever this thing is called. Kitchen Aid people, help here?

But...

Being an adult sucks because then you have to clean this


What really blows chunks though is that I DID have all that packed.

Photo Editing Software what?


april 3 008, originally uploaded by red_canuck.

I don't own photo editing software.

SURPRISE!

Not that I don't want to, oh contraire mes amies, I long for my very own copy of photoshop, whether it be Elements or...CS (*drool*). But alas, my computer hard drive is alone. Alone, lost in the vaste sea of solitary confinement, never to be allowed the joy of family, of hope, of photo editing.

It's like a timelife movie. It's ok to cry a bit. I understand.

I stare longingly at many photographers blogs, looking at all the cool things they do with photoshop. And least we not forget all the cool actions Pioneer Woman has on her site. Oh man how I want them. I could play forever and forever with photoediting, if I had it. But I don't. All I have is whatever small things flickr (or photobucket) allow me to tweak.

I feel like a kid wearing "Prado" shoes instead of Prada, hoping nobody will notice. And then part of me laughs at the Prada kids because inside I'm just teaming with jealousy. It's like 3rd grade all over again.

A tale of two siblings


april 3 027, originally uploaded by red_canuck.

One of a bagillion outakes I have of my kidlets, this one just makes me giggle. It is SO my kids. Mr Man on the left, being all wild and crazy and will.not.sit.still.to.save.his.life while his sister just chills all relaxed on the right.

We need not mention the food stains on Miss A's shirt, ok? Because the whole "will not eat" thing she's got going on is driving me bonkers! Sure, she'll put the food in her mouth, move it around, slobber all over it...but then out it comes! And let me tell you something, interwebz peeps, slobbered on mushed up food makes a huge ass mess. HUGE. Like a "thank god I'm moving next week and never have to look at this destroyed carpet ever again" huge mess.

Last, but certainly not least, please not how much they look alike. And then please note how much they look like their father. and THEN please note how much the little buggers look NOTHING at all like ME, their mother!! Their home for 9 months, the giver of life, the maker of food, the very reason for their being. Yes, that me.

Deceptively cute


april 6 027, originally uploaded by red_canuck.

A big brother comforting his upset little sister. Providing guiding words, comforting gestures and a soothing touch.

Or...

A big brother intent on tormenting his little sister. Inserting a wet finger into her tender young ear canal in his newly acquired favourite game - Wet Willy.


If you guessed the second, you would be correct. Oh the horror!

Crying a bit inside

And....maybe a bit on the outside too.

The chaos that surrounds me is just too much. I.can't.do.anything. I'm stubbing toes on boxes, scrapping my skins on bins, losing pens, tape, books, my sanity amongst the piles.
Dude, this suuucks.


And my kitchen? Do not even get me started on my kitchen. It's not a kitchen, it's the crater from some alien bomb. A bomb set to destroy the human race...by making it unable to cook. Clever bastards


Who's bright idea was it to move anyways, huh?! Who's bright idea was it to have SO MUCH STUFF?!



And if all that was not enough to make me cry on this horrible Monday morning...

This is what is outside my window



Think the three year old can make breakfast for himself and his little sister while I curl into the fetal position under my duvet?

Silent Night

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright...

or not.

My family has finally emerged from the dark ages
We bought Rockband. No, wait, the husband is correcting me (who reads over someone else's shoulder anyways I ask you?!) We bought Guitar Hero World Tour. Excuuuuuuse me monsieur.



I, for one, will mourn my peace. My silent, calm and bright nights. And days. oh how I miss my quiet days.

Chicks dig scars

Keanu Reeves said so. I know because I"m a movie buff and think repeating movie quotes ad nauseum is great fun. Just because 99% of the time other people don't get the hilarity that is moi doesn't mean I'll stop. I am lucky enough to have a husband who thinks movie quotes are equally hilarious, and this is why we will be together until the end of time. I very much expect we will have movie quotes on our headstones. We are COOL dammit!

Chicks dig scars. This is what my three year old will tell you when he proudly shows off his own scar. And then start clucking like a chicken, because really, when you are three, chicks are baby chickens. Can't fault the dude's reasoning.

Wanna see my little guy's scar? It's healing up nicely.

Eat your oats!

I love oatmeal. In case you haven't already guessed. Yup, oatmeal is what the cool kids are eating. I promise. Just ask me. I know, I'm a a cool kid. or I was. Once. In my imagination. But I digress.

I rediscovered this recipe of my moms as I was packing up my cookbooks, and had to give it a whirl. My delicious memories of this simple dessert didn't lie to me. These are as good as I remember, and as easy. So easy my barely three year old made them. If I could only teach him how to whip up some chicken cacciatore I'd be one happy momma.

Make these. with your kids. They'll love it. And so will your belly. And boobs, if you are a breastfeeder like me.

BUTTERSCOTCH OAT SQUARES

2 cups quick or instant oats
1 cup brown sugar (packed)
1/2 cup melted butter
1/2 tsp vanilla

(1) Mix oats and brown sugar, mix in butter and
vanilla.

(2) Spread mixture into a 9x13 pan. Bake at 375 deg. F for
10 minutes or until it looks golden-brown.
Squares will be soft, but will harden when cool.

(3) Allow to cool for 5 minutes, then mark in squares
with a sharp knife. Loosen edges and allow to
cool before removing from pans.




Oh, and while I'm tossing out recipes, I may as well add in the healthier version of the oatmeal cookies i made back here. Those are yummy, these are yummy but without all that yummy butter. Huh, can they be as yummy without the yummy butter? I'm not too sure about that. Maybe I should just make both at the same time and taste test. yup, my butt would surely thank me for that!

Healthy Lactation Cookies (with Honey) a la redcanuck
Ingredients:
Dry ingredients
• 2 cup whole wheat flour (a pinch more depending on the moisture of the mix)
• 3 cups of Large Flake Rolled Oats (smaller flake is ok too)
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 Tbsp Cinnamon
• 2 Tablespoons Brewer’s Yeast
Wet ingredients
• 1 cup honey (spray measuring cup with oil to ease the honey out easier, or measure the olive oil first)
• 2/3 cup olive oil
• 1/3 cup Applesauce
• 2 Tablespoon Maple Syrup
• 1 egg (beat with 1 Tbsp Water)
• 2 Tablespoons Vanilla
• 2 Tablespoons Ground Flaxseed, mixed with 4 Tablespoons water
Yummy ingredients
• 1 cup raisins and/or
• 1 cup dried cranberries and/or
1 cup chocolate chips
Preparation:
1. In a large bowl, mix all the dry ingredients together.
2. Form a well in the middle of the dry ingredients, and add wet ingredients into the well.
3. Mix the wet stuff with the dry stuff. Add the raisins and walnuts and mix. If the mixture seems too wet, add a bit of flour. If it isn't binding together very well, you may wish to add an egg white.
4. COOL the mix for 20 minutes in the fridge.
5. Preheat the oven to 335 degrees (lower temperature due to the honey in the recipe which will burn more easily).
6. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto your baking sheet (I recommend lining the baking sheet with parchment paper). Press down with a fork to ensure even cooking.
7. Bake for about 15 - 20 minutes or until golden on the bottom of the cookie. The cookies freeze very well and make a great snack! Enjoy.

Oh the Humanity!

While there was no Zeppelins crash landing in a halo of flames and no lives lost, Miss A is still devastated.

You see, internet world, her mean mommy made her wear a dress



A pink, fluffy, glittery, bow decorated, tulle constructed dress. All for my own evil pleasure.

*insert evil laugh*

The way I see it, I have a small window of time, and opportunity, to be able to impose my will upon her wardrobe, and I for one intend to slip on as many of these pink pieces of perfection to the bitter end.

And if she needs therapy, that's ok. I have a great therapist that got me through all my repressed memories of being a redhead little girl forced to wear pink :D

oh, and I did it twice. Common, there were TWO dresses! what else was I suppose to do?!

Not the oatmeal of your nightmares

No gruel substances here. Nope, not in my house, let me tell you. Oatmeal is revered as a member of the family. A much loved child even. Lt me tell you - not only for assisting me to sprout white milky goodness from my ample bosom (err, sorry i just said that), but also because it's cheap and healthy. Lowers your cholestrol and all that jazz. But...really, it's just plain yummy. It's an empty canvas. And canvasses long for decorations.



Today? Today is "I need to go to the grocery store" day, a la Mother Hubberd, so I delved deep. Deep deep down in my deeper than deep nether regions and pull force the most amazing of all inventions...
Frozen fruit


and maple syrup



oh heavens was it yummy. I am in a lactating daze here, yum.