Be prepared - I talk about my girlie bits. There, you have been warned, I have no shame :D
Miss A’s birth story
Welcoming a second child into the world is just as unique an experience as the first time. You may think you know what you are doing, but each child shows you that they have their own personality, distinct even to the point of how and when they want to enter the world! To be blessed with creating and nurturing a life again, after knowing the love there exists between mother and child, is overwhelming. Love is not divided; it is multiplied with each child. Miss A’s birth was an amazing event. I had hoped and planned and had everything I could set up ahead of time, all that was left was for her to decide she was ready to enter the world and be welcomed into our lives – she was already a part of our hearts and our family the moment she was conceived.
Writing a birth story is a challenge and a privilege. Writing it means you are a mother, it means you have an amazing little person who needs you and loves you for being *you*. It means that you have gone through the most life changing event I can imagine. Giving birth is powerful. It can push a woman beyond any level of imagination possible. It is the most physically charged, basic human function I can imagine, and its rewards cannot be counted. Knowing where to start the story is hard. You want to remember and document everything to show your children when they are older, to show your friends and family, and to reread yourself whenever you need a pick me up. I reread my son birth story frequently. During the sleepless newborn nights, during the sleepless teething nights, as his first birthday approached, when he amazes me and when he frustrates me. It is an instant connection to the beginning of the most fundamental relationship possible.
I am insanely proud of Miss A’s entrance into the world. I fought long and hard to plan a homebirth, where I could welcome my daughter into the safety and comfort of our family in surroundings that were familiar to me, and would be a comfort to both of us. We had numerous roadblocks to overcome to ensure our homebirth, but we did it. I had asked my two best friends to be involved in Miss A’s birth, and as both live over an hour away, we needed to be on the ball about when to call them to be here. Seeing as they have toddlers themselves, timing could have been an issue. Thankfully, it all worked out perfectly!
Thursday April 10, 2008 I had a midwife appt first thing in the morning. My husband had taken the morning off work to be with our son while I went to my appointment. After talking to one of the midwives, B, about the random contractions all week, we decided to do an internal, even though I knew the information wouldn't really tell me anything, I was at the stage of pregnancy that I needed to be reminded that this baby was coming out sooner rather than later. Turns out I was about 1cm dilated and 50% effaced, which made me smile. After my appt, we took Mr. Man to the park to play and for a nice long walk. My husband left for work as Mr Man went down for a nap, and I took the time to myself to have a nice long nap as well. Thursday night we spent the same as usual, watching some tv, puttering around the house, talking to friends and family on the phone. I was optimistic as I was having a lot of activity down under.
Turns out my optimism wasn’t misplaced!
My labour started around 2am on Friday April 11, 2008. I had been having cramps and random contractions all week, but on Friday they began to come at time able distances between then, and were painful enough that I wasn’t able to sleep anymore. I ended up coming downstairs and watching tv, deciding to track my contractions using an online counter, and update my journal. Here is how the contractions looked in the early morning:
Start time - end time – duration - interval
03:54:07 am 03:55:16 am 1 mins, 9 secs - 7 mins, 22 secs
03:46:44 am 03:47:42 am 57 secs - 7 mins, 10 secs
03:39:34 am 03:40:24 am 50 secs - 8 mins, 17 secs
03:31:16 am 03:32:13 am 57 secs - 8 mins, 16 secs
03:23:00 am 03:23:44 am 44 secs - 9 mins, 3 secs
03:13:56 am 03:16:10 am 2 mins, 14 secs - 4 mins, 23 secs
03:09:32 am 03:10:29 am 56 secs - 6 mins, 20 secs
03:03:12 am 03:04:03 am 50 secs - 8 mins, 40 secs
02:54:31 am 02:55:35 am 1 mins, 3 secs - 11 mins, 56 secs
02:42:35 am 02:44:09 am 1 mins, 34 secs
I decided around 5am to wake my husband up to rub my back during contractions, I was feeling a lot of back pressure and pressure in my hips as the contractions wrapped around to my lower abs. Around 6am we decided the contractions were definitely “it”, and so we made the decision to call in the troops! I called (and woke up!) my two best friends, the blonde bombshell duo, and called my mom as she made her way into work to find out when she could come. The plan had been for my mom to come and be with Mr. Man while I laboured, maybe keeping him overnight depending on timing. Turns out my mom wasn’t able to leave work and be at my house until late afternoon, but both AJ and Nat were both able to come out mid-morning.
As luck would have it, having Mr. Man at home during my labour was a deciding fact on how fast I progressed. When Mr. Man woke up at 8am, there was a noticeable lengthening between contractions, and I began to doubt that I was truly in labour. This self-doubt haunted me throughout the day, and coupled with Mr. Man being so close by, was most likely the two largest factors to the long first stage of labour I experienced.
Nat and AJ arrived mid-morning, and we hung out upstairs for a bit while the Hubs was downstairs with Mr. Man. My contractions had spaced out to 30 minutes apart at this point, so we decided we needed to do something to get them going again. The Hubs and I went out into the wet and windy day and power walked (as much as a 39w 5d pregnant woman can power walk while waddling!) around the block. I had a few contractions while we walked, and the low cramping was constant the whole time. When we got back, the contractions had picked up, but not to the point they had been during the night.
I was feeling really discouraged and embarrassed that I had disturbed everybody’s day for what I was now convinced was false labour. I went up into our bedroom by myself and even googled “false labour” to read about it, the results making me even more discouraged. I even avoided updating my journal, thinking how disappointed my friends would be for the false alarm. I ended up in the shower, which was a nice warm haven and I had myself a very good cry. It was soon Mr. Man’s nap time, and to my amazement the contractions really began to pick up! I labored a bit in bed, but then moved downstairs and knelt on the floor. B called at that time to check on me, and after telling her “same old, same old”, she advised to call her if my water broke, or the contractions got stronger and closer together. It was around this time that AJ and Nat decided to go out and get lunch. As much as I love my friends, I was in such distress that they had come all the way out to end up leaving with my “false labour” that it was a bit of a relief to be with the Hubs alone again. I had another good cry, sharing my concern and embarrassment about my “false labour”. The Hubs was wonderful as always and listened to my concerns and then reassured me…although I didn’t believe him! The girls brought back subway for lunch, and the food tasted sooo good! Unfortunately for me, I had a contraction with a full mouth, and that was no fun! Turns out that sub was the last thing I ate all day! It was at this time I decided to stop tracking contractions as it seemed to stress me out more that just letting them happen. Best decision ever. AJ and Nat kept track of them without me knowing, which was so helpful. Every once in a while I would ask if they were getting closer, and they would reassure me they were…turns out they were merely humouring me, and the contractions were staying anywhere from 8-15 minutes apart.
Around 3pm, AJ and Nat convinced me (aka bullied me!) into going to the grocery store to pick up some essentials. I finally had to admit I truly didn’t want to go because I have an insane fear of the embarrassment of my water breaking in public, not to mention looking like a fool in the middle of a contraction in public. But they won, and I was bundled into the car. Turns out this trip to the store was one of the best things ever for labour. I had numerous (embarrassing!) contracting in the store, and after refusing the walk across the parking lot to the coffee house and insisting on driving there, had one of the most excruciating contractions waiting while the girls were inside. I should have known then things were happening. Contractions + car suck!
My mom arrived around 4:30pm, and by that time the contractions were started to pick up again. Having Mr. Man down for his nap, and definitely getting out and walking around the grocery store had allowed me to relax a bit, and this relaxing was what I needed to let my labour start up again. I had briefly entertained the idea of calling my mom and cancelling her, thinking I wasn’t in true labour (that darn self-doubt again!), but decided to just roll with it and hope for the best. I had 2 contractions while she was getting Mr. Man ready to leave, and I remember thinking that I was happy Mr. Man would get to hang out with his Nana, but would they just GO ALREADY! This should have been an indicator to me I was really truly in labour!!
B called soon after Mr. Man left, and let me know she was planning on coming out to see me after another woman who was in the hospital. I jumped into the shower after talking to her, and had the Hubs bring in Mr. Man’s stereo and get me some good rock music. His choice of soundtrack was inspired – my CD of the music fro the TV show “Las Vegas”. I found myself on my hands and knees leaning on the birthing ball in the shower with the massage function pointing at my back, singing along with the CD at the top of my voice. Pure freedom! After a bit I stood up and leaned against the wall, and tried to “dance” along with the music, doing hip sways and rocks. The hot water began to run out after the sixth song, and without the hot water the contractions, which had really picked up, began to be very painful, needing my complete focus to relax through them. I got out of the shower and put on shorts and a long t-shirt. I went downstairs, and the contractions continued on, much to my relief. I found myself laboring on my knees leaning against our black leather chair, and needed AJ to put counter pressure against my lower back/hips. The contractions definitely were getting stronger, I focused on them excluding everything else.
B came to the house around 6pm, and we went upstairs to our bedroom for her to check me. I was 3cm dilated, but about 80% effaced. B was afraid I would be discouraged, but in reality I was happy to have it confirmed I was progressing! I think this was the first time all day I began to believe I was truly in labour! After she checked me, she set up her equipment in our bedroom, and seeing her set up was exactly what I needed to build my confidence that I wasn’t in fact in false labour, and that I hadn’t called in the troops for nothing. I was imagining I would labour into the wee hours of the morning, and said as much to B. She looked at me, laughed and said I’d be calling her in 2 hours, at 8pm. This, I could not believe, instead thinking she was trying to build up my confidence. Little did I know you should never doubt a midwife with so much experience!
After B left, it felt like time was suspended. The contractions started coming closer together and lasting longer, taking my breath away and I had to vocalize to get through them. AJ and Nat again bullied me (I say this with affection, AJ’s ability to pay “bad cop” with me is legendary and one of the reasons I wanted her for the birth!) into going for a walk, but I was stubborn and only consented to walking around our little grassy square with The Hubs. I had to stop 4-5 times in that little distance, the contractions were very strong, and I could not walk through them. When the Hubs and I returned, it was as if a flip had been thrown – I went into a zone and lived from contraction to contraction. I don’t remember anything specific for the next 2 hours. My whole being was focused on staying on top of each contraction. I needed to vocalize through them, I started with words that would help me focus, such as “control”, “low”, and “open”. I remember at one point wondering where everyone was, thinking Nat was in the kitchen and I was scaring her! Poor woman is due with her second in late July, and the thought kept passing through my mind that she would run to the hospital for an epidural!
I was staying in much the same position for the contractions, leaning up against a wood dresser we had just moved to the top of the basement stairs that was the new home for Mr. Man’s diapers. On top of the dresser was a pile of clean diapers and fabric from my sewing projects, and I loved nothing better than burying my face in the soft cloth and to smell the cleanness during contractions. At one point I tried to make a (lame) joke about how glad I was that they were indeed clean diapers! Sometime in here AJ and the Hubs had thought to chew some gum to get ride of some garlic breath, and having them beside me with the mint in my face was so distracting, but I couldn’t waste the energy telling them, until one point when I just yelled at The Hubs quickly between contractions “LOSE THE GUM!” Of course they all found this funny, and I’m sure I will never live that down!
The contractions soon reached a point where my knees would almost buckle from the intensity (dare I say PAIN!). I remember thinking that I was not dealing so well with this pain, and as the midwife was only just here I couldn’t be farther than 4 or maybe if I was lucky 5 cm. I thought of my friend Heidi, laboring all by herself through transition thinking she was in early labour. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that I could possibly be progressing, even when I started losing control and moaning that “I can’t do this!” That should have been my indication I truly was going through transition! Nat, AJ and The Hubs were suggesting that it was time to call the midwives back, but I was in complete denial I could have progressed passed 5 cm, and didn’t want to “cry wolf”, or have the midwives here too early and potentially stale my labour. I was SO delusional!!!
I moved back to the black chair at this point, thinking I should open my hips to move the baby on down. The contractions were so intense I started to lose control, and it wasn’t until I turned my head and focused on AJ’s eyes, maintaining eye contact through the contraction that I felt a bit more in control. Too bad the cats decided then would be a good time to come investigate, and she had to break contact to shush them away. I would gladly have strangled someone at that point to get her eyes back!
The chair wasn’t doing it for me anymore, so I move back to the dresser. Moaning and my control words weren’t cutting it either, and I started to count *very* loudly. Counting really let me control the contractions, knowing I just had to get to 30 before the pain would start to go away. I remember staring at the wall counting at the top of my lungs (dare I say yelling at the top of my lungs?!) and thinking our neighbors must be wondering what was going on! I guess I was counting very slowly because the contraction data Nat (who wasn’t in fact hiding in the kitchen, but was sitting behind me the whole time!) was keeping showed they were 90 seconds long! After the fact, the Hubs old me I wasn’t actually counting in sequence – what to me were orderly numbers were in fact just coming out randomly!
I moved back to the black chair, and it was at this point, as I was shouting out my “numbers” that my mouth opened and I said “Call the midwives”. I still don’t know what it was that made me say it at that time, as that contraction wasn’t noticeably different from the others, but it’s a good thing that something possessed me to say it then. Nat hopped on the phone and called the midwives, and as I moved back to the dresser I felt a “pop” and gush as my water broke! It was 8pm on the dot. My water just kept gushing, almost pulsing out, and my gut reaction was to demand if it was clear or not! Thankfully, it was indeed clear, all was well with baby! I said “my water broke!” and the Hubs and AJ came running with a towel to lay on the floor beneath me. My shorts and under wear were soaked, and it just kept coming. The Hubs asked me what it felt like, and all I could come up with was “like I’m peeing myself”. Classy, no?
Nat had been keeping track of my contractions during this last bit:
08:09:21 pm 08:10:11 pm 50 secs 1 mins, 37 secs
08:07:43 pm 08:08:54 pm 1 mins, 10 secs 1 mins, 44 secs
08:05:59 pm 08:06:49 pm 50 secs 3 mins, 32 secs
08:02:26 pm 08:03:43 pm 1 mins, 17 secs 2 mins, 1 secs
08:00:24 pm 08:01:29 pm 1 mins, 4 secs 2 mins, 38 secs
07:57:47 pm 07:58:55 pm 1 mins, 8 secs 1 mins, 47 secs
07:55:59 pm 07:57:25 pm 1 mins, 25 secs
They were coming closer and closer together and were right up there in intensity. I distinctly remember saying “these feel like pitocin contractions!” because boy did they ever! I can still not believe the whole body experience, how the contractions overshadowed any other sensation/feeling at the time. I was consumed with living from contraction to contraction.
B came in at 8:05pm, and came over to me. She was able to get my attention, and had me change my breathing, from the loud counting to low moaning or singing. She had me go upstairs, which was a production as I had numerous contractions on the way. I ended up going up the stairs on my hands and feet, and thought briefly how funny it was as I was just in my underwear and shirt at this point, the horrid view for those behind me!
Once in our bedroom, B wanted me to lie down on my back to check me. The Hubs took off my underwear, and I know I really resented and dreaded laying on my back. I tried to get her to check me quickly between contractions, but one started just as she finished. I quickly rolled over to my hands and knees to move during the contractions, I had to keep my hips moving to help the pain. At this point B went out of the room to call the second midwife, and I was later told that she said “how fast can you get here?” It was 8:13pm, and I was 9cm dilated, with a lip remaining. As B was on the phone, I tried to stand up to get of the bed, but another contraction hit and I put my head down on AJ’s shoulder and felt my body start to push. I yelled out “I’m pushing!” and B came right back in and said to try to breath through it. Yeah…right. My body was just pushing, I couldn’t stop it anymore than you could stop the tide. At the end of that one push, I felt “the ring of fire”. Ho boy did they name that right!! I know I said “Ring of fire!! RING OF FIRE!” and AJ said “The baby’s coming!” and B said “Pant, I have to get my gloves on!”
But nope, Miss A was not waiting, my body gave another great push and pop, her head was out. Yes, pop, I remember it feeling like a cork popping out of a bottle. Her body just sort of slithered out next, and B put her on the bed underneath me and between my knees. My shirt was so big though that I couldn’t see her, and as B tried to pass her through to me she got snagged in my shirt. I leaned over to the side, untangled my shirt, and there, in all her beautiful glory was my daughter!
She looked so tiny! “It’s a baby!” I cried out, feeling tears running down my face. AJ was at my head and I feel her hugging me. “Is it a girl?!” I demanded, and the Hubs laughed and said yes. I then remember thinking I wanted to lay down, and asked if I could move, but B asked me to wait as the cord was still attached. The Hubs cut her cord after a minute or two, and I flopped to my left on my back. The relief of no contractions felt so heavenly, I blurted out “This feels SO GOOD!” to which B laughed. There was a little debate as to whether she was born at 8:15pm or 8:18pm, but B went with her time of 8:15pm.
I was looking over at Miss A and she was so white because she was so covered in vernix. I was worried because I couldn’t hear her crying and I know I demanded to know if she was ok. AJ was helping B at that point as obviously the second midwife wasn’t there. I demanded “AJ, tell me my baby is alright!” And she looked me right in the eyes and said “yes, she’s absolutely perfect”. Those are, and always will be, the four most beautiful words I have ever heard. I knew I could trust my baby girl to AJ so I laid back and watched all that was going on around me. Nat was taking pictures of Miss A, AJ and B were with Miss A and the Hubs was beside me. I cannot fully explain the feeling of amazement and joy that washed over me in those moments. It was like I was looking down on everything in a golden glow. I couldn’t believe I had just given birth, at home, by myself, and my girl was perfect. B passed her to me and I held her and just soaked in her beauty. She had her eyes open, they were so dark! The contractions started again 5 minutes after Miss A was born, and I pushed out the placenta. B took it over to the end of the bed to check it out, and came back to help massage my uterus. Once that was done, I striped down to get skin to skin with her at this point, as things had happened to fast I was still wearing my bra! The other midwife, Celeste, soon arrived, and she helped me get all cleaned up while I held Miss A. The Hubs looked over at me at this point, while I was holding Miss A, and asked “so is this our little Miss A?”
The name was just perfect for her, and we just knew she was an Miss A. The hard name game was over!
It was then time for B checked me, and it turned out that even with Miss A’s fast arrival, my perineum was completely intact, not a single tear! I credit this to delivering on my hands and knees and letting my body dictate when to push and how to push. I was so happy and weirdly proud (!) to hear I had no tears!
I rolled over to the Hubs’s side of the bed (Miss A was born on my side!) and realized I was shaking a bit, I think I was a bit in shock over how fast everything had happened. I was holding Miss A, and someone got some blankets to cover us with. Nat and AJ were standing beside me, and the Hubs was right on my other side, and it felt like we were all on an adrenaline high, talking and exclaiming ad admiring Miss A. I decided to try nursing Miss A at this point, and she took to it like a champ. She actually didn’t want to unlatch to get her stats checked, so the Hubs called all our family and friends but couldn’t tell them how much she weighted or anything!
Finally I decided I wanted to get cleaned up, so I unlatched Miss A (she was not happy!) and handed her to C to do the newborn physical.
We found out she weighted 7lbs 15oz, and was 21 inches long. She was perfect indeed.
B helped me into the shower, it was quite comical actually, as I had to walk with a whole bunch of towels between my legs to get there! Once in the shower I washed my hair and soaped myself down before B came back to help me out. I got all dried off, got my undercarriage properly adorned and my nightgown on before going back into our bedroom to a clean, made, bed and a dressed baby. Her first clothes were her hot pink monkey doodles diaper and a baby pink bunny sleeper. And of course her striped hat that daddy picked out.
I crawled back into bed and we took some more pictures.
By now the midwives had everything all cleaned up and they went downstairs to write up all their paperwork. I got a delicious muffin that Nat had made earlier in the day and gobbled that down as we all sat around admiring Miss A. It was so cool to have my two best friends, my husband and my brand new baby girl just chilling in bed. I was so happy and relaxed, words cannot describe how wonderful it was! The midwives came back up at about 10:30pm to say goodbye, and the girls went down and got us dinner – turns out Nat had been super busy in the kitchen, not only whipping up muffins but making a ham and scalloped potatoes too! Food never tasted so delicious.
After eating, the girls got all packed up and hit the road around 11pm, they both needed to get back to their families. I was so sad to see them go, it was like sudden end to an amazing day. Having them leave made it a bit more real that it was over. The quiet house was a bit overwhelming. Miss A was fast asleep, and the Hubs and I soon joined her.
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