The differences bewtween Boys and Girls. Potty training 101

Mr.Man calls to me from the general vacinity of the bathroom "Mom! I need you help me!" Puzzled, i replied "Help you with what babe? where are you?"
"i need you help me go pee"

Pee? but he's been doing that by himself for weeks now, I think to myself. I turn as he comes skipping into the living room, holding his penis in one hand, extending the other to me "Come mommy, I hold your hand". ookay, what else is a mother to do? I followed along.

He ran ahead as he neared the bathroom, and as I turned the corner, I saw him attempting to climb onto the seat backwards, facing the toilet tank.

"Whatcha doing big guy?" I ask, confused and bewildered.

"I'm trying to pee like daddy mom, help me pee standing up!"

I...oh...what? Pee, like daddy? Like, STANDING?! oh dear lord no, i thought in a panic, remember a recent conversation I had with friends, all of us thankful our little boys hadn't discovered peeing standing up, and thus limiting our cleaning.

"Mom, help ME" Mr. Man whined, impatient with my momentary lack of attention.

Thinking fast, I plunked Miss. A down on the floor, and lifted up the seats of the toilet in an attempt to reproduce what Mr. Man saw his father doing.

"ok, Mister, now come stand here, aim, and go pee" I coached, not at all sure of the mechanics of peeing upright, having, due to my double X chromosomes, never experience the thrill.

"no mom, not like this, like this!" he proclaimed, pulling down the bottom seat. "ok, Whatever you want kid, just go pee!" I encouraged, thinking ahead to where the nearest stash of rags were.

Still, no pee. We tried a stool, we tried standing *on* the toilet, we tried it all. Finally I had enough.
"Mr. Man, we have a problem. Mommy doesn't have a penis, so this is all new to me. How's about we make a deal - when daddy gets home, we can ask him to teach you to pee like him, until then, pleasure have some pity on your mommy and pee like me, ok?"

thankfully, he bought it.

I promptly retreated back to the living, and called the root of all my problems. "I have a bone to pick with you, you pee stander..."