The differences bewtween Boys and Girls. Potty training 101

Mr.Man calls to me from the general vacinity of the bathroom "Mom! I need you help me!" Puzzled, i replied "Help you with what babe? where are you?"
"i need you help me go pee"

Pee? but he's been doing that by himself for weeks now, I think to myself. I turn as he comes skipping into the living room, holding his penis in one hand, extending the other to me "Come mommy, I hold your hand". ookay, what else is a mother to do? I followed along.

He ran ahead as he neared the bathroom, and as I turned the corner, I saw him attempting to climb onto the seat backwards, facing the toilet tank.

"Whatcha doing big guy?" I ask, confused and bewildered.

"I'm trying to pee like daddy mom, help me pee standing up!"

I...oh...what? Pee, like daddy? Like, STANDING?! oh dear lord no, i thought in a panic, remember a recent conversation I had with friends, all of us thankful our little boys hadn't discovered peeing standing up, and thus limiting our cleaning.

"Mom, help ME" Mr. Man whined, impatient with my momentary lack of attention.

Thinking fast, I plunked Miss. A down on the floor, and lifted up the seats of the toilet in an attempt to reproduce what Mr. Man saw his father doing.

"ok, Mister, now come stand here, aim, and go pee" I coached, not at all sure of the mechanics of peeing upright, having, due to my double X chromosomes, never experience the thrill.

"no mom, not like this, like this!" he proclaimed, pulling down the bottom seat. "ok, Whatever you want kid, just go pee!" I encouraged, thinking ahead to where the nearest stash of rags were.

Still, no pee. We tried a stool, we tried standing *on* the toilet, we tried it all. Finally I had enough.
"Mr. Man, we have a problem. Mommy doesn't have a penis, so this is all new to me. How's about we make a deal - when daddy gets home, we can ask him to teach you to pee like him, until then, pleasure have some pity on your mommy and pee like me, ok?"

thankfully, he bought it.

I promptly retreated back to the living, and called the root of all my problems. "I have a bone to pick with you, you pee stander..."

Where's the Nanny? A slice of SAHM life...

"Hush little baby, don't say a word..."
Miss A's eyelids flutter closed as she nuzzles into my breast and slowly drifts to sleep while I nurse her in the rocking chair in her room. Her lullaby music is playing, and I find myself contently humming along, stroking her silky cheeks and staring dreamily at her face.
My ears perks up when out of nowhere I hear the cry of my oldest, Mr. Man, shouting enthusiastically from the living room "I pooped in my potty! MOMMMMMMMMMMMY!! I POOOOOOOPED!"
Knowing I had only moments before he climbed the stairs to make his proclamation in person, I hastily broke Ainsley's latch, and tried to carefully roll her into her crib without waking her up.
"Moooooooommy!" I hear, the culprit getting perilously close, I suspect almost to the top of the stairs at that point. I draped the blanket over Ainsley's form, noting with dismay she was beginning to wake up.
"shit shit shit" i think to myself, dashing to the nursery door and yanking it open moments Logan can bang on it
"shhhhhhh big guy, baby's sleeping!" I manage to admonish, just as I hear the tell tale whine from inside the Nursery. Dammit dammit dammit!!
I send Mr. Man back downstairs, after a quick butt wipe and a high five, reminding him again to PLEASE stay downstairs so Miss. A can nap. I re-enter the nursery to a very upset little girl, the abandonment allegations shining fresh in her red rimmed eyes. I scooped her up, placing kisses on her cheeks and apologize for leaving her while I dealt with a poop smeared butt. I reassured her that as much as she disliked being alone in her room, missing out on the the smell of toddler poop was preferable! Being only eight months old, I'm quite my words were not as reassuring as my reappearance in her world.

Desperate for a solo shower, achievable only once one child was asleep and the other bribed with a Thomas video, I attempted to rock my little girl back to sleep. Attempt being the key word, little girl was having none of this, thinking her earlier two second slumber was good enough and she wanted to rejoin the world now, thank.you.very.much.mother.

Withholding the swear words that were threatening to burst forth from my lips, I resign myself to another few hours of pit stink. I trudged back downstairs to real life.
They had to sleep eventually, I reassured myself. Afternoon nap time is only 4 hours away!