Soul fulfilling words

Ever have one of those moments when one kid is screaming over a stolen toy, the other kid is whining for more milk, the tv is blaring some obnoxious drugged up neon children's show, the phone is shrilling impatiently, the doorbell is peeling, the dog is barking, the cats are fighting, random electronic toys are beeping and OMG JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

yeah, that was me today.

In the midst of the chaos, just as the dreaded "shut up" word was about to escape my lips, some slice of rational thought broke through and poked my eyeball as if to remind me that once that "shut up" word is out of my mouth for that first time, my almost-three year old would hear it for the first time, and as any almost-three year old is bound to do, start parroting it right back to me. That, my friends, was enough of a poke in the eyeball to change the "SHUT UP!!" groaning to burst forth from my frothing lips into a frustrated grunt and a foot stamp.

yes, I said foot stamp. Not my most glrious motherhood moment, granted. While I am not proud of my foot stamp, it stopped me from uttering a phrase I really didn't want to. I did not want to go there, and I do not want my son, my almost-three year old, to go there either.

Later, after the kids had been sorted out, dog let out, cats separated, door answered, phone hung up, TV turned off and the toys silenced, I pondered my emotional reaction. While the foot stamp had worked just enough to stop the dreaded "shut up", it was not nearly as soul fulfilling. So why, I asked myself, would "shut up" have been so much more....fulfilling?

Is it the illicit nature of the beast? I grew up in a household where "shut up" was verboten, spoken on threat of death, and really, it is the epitomy of disrespect. Yes, it could have been the illicit nature. Yet, that's not all.
I think, and maybe it's just me and my weird brain, but the very nature of the sounds of "shut up" are just glorious in the heat of anger and frustration. The grinding teeth of the "shhhhh", the head shake, eye glaring, tongue thrust of the "t", the chin thrust, lip twist of the "uuuuu" and the spit ejection of the "p". Put together, the physical process of saying "shut up" with passion is just wonderful. Fulfilling. Soul singing. good.

It is inevitable that my kids will learn to say "shut up". They won't be home with me forever, and as perfect as I am (HA!) the TV teaches them things I would prefer them to not know. One day, hopefully not soon, they will respond to one of my request for information, or an insistence that they clean with a well timed, and well executed "shut up".

I wonder what they would do if I responded by dropping to the floor in a fit of giggles while choking back my mirth.